Losing Control
by LoZa
Summary: "She knows the part of her that wanted to die back then never leaves. Not completely anyway. Its always there, in the background of her current life..." A look at Brennan's feelings after Booth arrests Max. Slightly dark & angsty. BB
1. Chapter 1

_A/N. So this is officially my first Bones Fanfiction! Have been reading them for a while, but found it incredibly hard to try and write using Temperance Brennan without veering too off character. Extremely difficult... The Bones writers are clearly amazing!_

_This will just be a short story (probably only a few chapters) dealing with Brennan's feelings after Booth arrests her father back in the earlier seasons. Just so your warned, there is mention of dark thoughts and feelings if your not into that._

_As usual, I own Nothing :(_

_Hope you enjoy! Please read and review. Let me know what you think of it. _

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She pointlessly swirled the liquid around the glass in front of her. She had no idea how she was supposed to feel at the moment. She kind of wished someone would just tell her exactly what emotion to feel, even though she knew that's not how it worked. She brought the glass to her lips, letting the liquid run down her throat quickly. She winced as it burnt, feeling the sensation course through her body, through her veins. It didn't stop her from signalling to the bartender to pour her another. Her partner had arrested her father today. Her partner, her best friend had locked up her criminal, abandoning father. And she, Temperance Brennan was an emotional wreck.

She had told Booth repeatedly that she was ok with it. That her father was a thief, and a murderer, and someone who completely abandoned his kids when they were still in their teens. Someone who let his daughter be shipped to foster home after foster home. Someone who let his daughter live with total strangers. Someone who felt no guilt over leaving his daughter feeling miserable, leaving her be abused verbally and physically. Leaving her alone to hate herself. How do you forgive someone like that? Someone who was supposed to protect you, but instead let all these terrible things happen to you.

How was she supposed to get over that fact that when her parents left her, and her brother left her, she actually wanted to die.

People thought she was weird growing up, she knew that. She would never say anything to anyone, always wore clothes that covered every inch of her, even in Summer, and people thought she was way too fascinated with dead things. But the truth was, a lot of the time her mind was on death and dead things. Whether her parents were dead, whether her brother was dead? And truth be told, sometimes she wanted to be dead just so she could stop thinking about them. She had thought about the most successful ways to end her life, had thought it all through, planned for every possibility. Sometimes that's just what helped get her through. But she knows the part of her that wanted to kill herself back then never leaves. Not completely anyway. Its always there, in the background of her current life. All of these reasons should make her hate her father, should make her never want to see him again. But she doesn't feel like that, doesn't hate him at all. And that's what bothers her the most.

She took another long sip of her drink, slamming the empty glass onto the bar with more force that necessary. The glass shattered in her palm, shards of glass falling through her fingers.

"Are you ok Miss?" she heard the bartender ask as she watched him quickly sweep the glass off the table and into the trash.

"Yeah I'm fine. Sorry about the glass". She said over her shoulder as she headed to the door.

"Miss, your bleeding" she heard him yell, but she pretended not hear and kept walking.

She walked out onto the street, pausing for a second as she tried to remember where she had parked her car. She frowned, unsure if she had even driven here at all...maybe she had waled? She had no idea. She stared down at her hand, the blood beginning to pool in her palm. He knew it was stupid, but the pain in her hand was all that was grounding her at the moment. Just like it used to all those years ago. She felt like she actually had a little bit of control back, and it made her feel good.

She walked to the end of the block, peering down side streets till she thought she found one that looked slightly familiar. She wandered along the sidewalk, stumbling every few steps. She was obviously far more intoxicated than she first thought. It was then that she saw her car, parked under a broken streetlight outside a closed auto shop.

"That's right" she said to herself, slowly beginning to piece her night back together.

"What's right?" she heard someone ask.

She turned sharply at the sound, trying to adjust her eyes to the darkness. Even though she couldn't see him, she would know that voice anywhere.

"What do you want Booth?" she said tiredly.

"Just wanted to check on you Bones, see how you were doing" he said calmly.

"By hanging out in the dark by my car...?" she shot back.

He smiled, and even in the darkness she could feel his eyes trying to lock with hers.

"Well I couldn't find you could I? You weren't in any of our usual places...And you weren't exactly answering your phone either. What was I supposed to do?"

"Sorry" she muttered, dropping her gaze from his. "I'm fine Booth. There is no need to be concerned."

"Hmm... well I hear what your saying Bones, but fro some reason I just don't quite believe you." he said, his tone light and his voice smooth.

"Whatever, I don't have time for this..." she said sharply, turning away from him and heading towards her car. It was then that she felt him move towards her, his cold hand slipping around her wrist.

"I'm really sorry Bones. I was just doing my job. You know that right?" he whispered.

"I know. I just don't really know how to feel at the moment, that's all." she said quietly, still facing away from him.

"Hey" he said softly, sliding a finger under her chin and forcing her to look at him. "I would never do anything to intentionally hurt you....Never."

She just nodded, not saying anything, his beautifully deep eyes boring into her own.

"Let me drive you home..."

She shook her head no, and attempted to walk past him. He jumped back in front of her, blocking her exit. He knew from the faraway look in her bloodshot eyes that she was too intoxicated to drive. She put a hand to his hard chest, pushing him away from her.

"I already told you I'm fine Booth. I don't need this... I don't need you right now..."

As she took off past him she began to rummage through her bag, cursing as she searched for her missing keys.

"You've been drinking Bones. Please, just let me help you. I know you keep saying that you don;t need me, but I'm your friend. Your best friend. I just want to be here for you. I know you must be hurting inside."

She took one look at his pleading eyes and the worry etched into his face and crumbled. She dropped to the ground, her legs in the gutter and her head in her hands.

He moved towards her broken figure, sitting beside her and putting a comforting hand on her back. He rubbed circles over her coat, before pushing her hair off her face and tucking it behind her ear. He could see her normally bright blue eyes brimming with tears. He was just about to whisper something comforting to her when he noticed the blood tricking down her hand and onto her faded jeans.

"Bones, what happened?" he said instantly worried. He quickly snatched her hand and gave it the once over.

She just shrugged, taking her hand back and cradling it in her lap.

"Come on" he said, pulling her up off the ground and wrapping a arm around her waist to steady her.

"I'm taking you to hospital."


	2. Chapter 2

**_A/N As always, nothing about the awesomeness that is Bones is owned by me._**

**_Hope your enjoying! Please leave a review and let me know what you think. It would much appreciated! :)_**

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**Chapter 2**

She fought him all the way to the car; muttering continuously that she didn't need the hospital. He opened the door for her, forcing her into the car and putting his body in front of the door in case she tried to make a run for it.

"Please Booth. I don't need the hospital." She said pleadingly.

"That cut you've got there is deep Bones, you might need stitches…"

"Please. I just can't. Not tonight ok…" she said, cutting him off in the process.

He paused, seeing the hurt in her eyes and feeling the pain radiating from her.

"On one condition."

She frowned at him, slouching back into the car seat.

"And what would that be?"

"You let me stay with you tonight. Just to make sure that you and your hand are ok…"

"Booth…" she groaned, hating that he was treating her like a child.

"Hey, that's the deal. Take it or leave it…"

She glared at him, and he could barely contain his grin back at her. He knew just how dangerous his charm smile could be, especially on her. He knew she wouldn't be able to resist…

"…So where are we going Bones? Are we going to your place, or the hospital?"

She sighed, playfully pushing his chest away from the car doorway.

"Fine we'll go to my place. And no I didn't agree to this _just_ because you smiled at me like that…"

He just laughed, shutting the door and heading round the car to the drivers seat.

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Once they got back to her place, he helped her open the door before heading straight to the medicine cabinet.

"Let me fix it for you, ok?" he asked, taking her by the arm.

"Booth, I am perfectly capable of…"

"I know you are…" he interrupted loudly. "I just, I want to take care of you. Sometimes it's nice to have someone to do that for you."

She held back the comment she wanted to make and nodded back at him. She would usually hate someone fussing over her, but when it was him, she just didn't seem to mind as much. It was probably because she always felt so safe when she was around him, and before she met Booth, that was something she had gotten used to living without. As he began to carefully wash the dried blood off her hand, she leaned in and gave him a swift kiss on the cheek.

"Thanks Seeley" she whispered, her breath hot on his ear.

"Your welcome Temperance" he said sincerely, his eyes never leaving hers.

He put some antiseptic on the cut, before tightly bandaging her hand. Between himself, her and his son he had become a pro at dressing minor wounds over the last few years.

"You know it's still bleeding a bit. It looks like all the glass is out but it's hard to tell. If it's still not feeling right tomorrow I'm taking you to get it looked at ok?" he said, his tone serious.

"Ok" she answered, walking back out to her kitchen. "Feel like a drink?"

"You don't think you might have had enough for tonight?" he laughed, his eyes narrowing at the bottle of wine she had pulled out of the fridge.

She smiled at him, shaking her head and placing a hand on her hip.

"Ok, Ok. One drink…" he gave in.

As she poured the wine into two glasses, she felt him move behind her. She looked back at him quizzically as she felt his chest brush against her back.

"You never told me what you actually did to your hand you know."

She handed him a glass, turning so they were facing each other. They were so close that she could feel the heat radiating from him.

"I broke a glass… in the bar" she said quickly, experiencing great difficulty putting words together with him standing so close. He rested a hand on the bench behind her, pinning her against him with his pelvis.

"I know how upset you are Bones. I'm just worried you might be hurting yourself in the process…"

"I'm not upset." She said quietly, refusing to meet his eyes.

"It's ok to be upset. I'm not going to judge you for it, No matter what he's done; he is still your Dad."

"No actually he's not. He's not my father Booth. I've grown up most of my life without a father." She said, her voice rising.

"I know you did. And him leaving you was horrible…but at the time…"

"Your damn right it was horrible." She interrupted, tears threatening to spill over. "I don't care if he's my father. He's a thief, an abandoner and a murderer. He deserved to be arrested. We did the right thing…" she trailed off, desperately trying to stop the tears running down her face with the back of her hand.

"Yeah we did the right thing. That's what_ we _do… _you and me_. We catch the bad guys." He put a hand over hers, stilling her and letting the tears run freely. "But he's still your father. It's ok to feel upset that he got arrested. That he's in jail. It's ok to feel sad about all of that."

She nodded, gripping his hand tightly. He ran his other hand over her cheek, wiping her tears away with his thumb. She looked up at him, her eyes giving away the pain she was feeling. He pulled her close to him, her arms going straight around his neck, and her head into his shoulder. His arms encircled her waist pulling her against him tightly.

"I hate crying in front of you." She whispered, her fingers tracing over his well-toned chest.

"Well you shouldn't. I'm here for you Bones. Always have been, and always will be." He said his voice heavy with emotion.

She pulled back from him, staring into his dark brown eyes, He smiled at her, that damn charm smile, and before she knew what she was doing her lips were pressed against his. She kissed him softly, tentatively, but he quickly turned it into something more passionate. His hands ran up and down the sides of her body, making her tingle all over.

She moved her hands through his hair roughly, kissing him with an intensity she had never used in a simple kiss before.

"Bones" she heard him moan softly into her mouth, and it snapped her out of the daze she was in. She pulled away form him instantly, stepping out of his grasp. What was she doing? Did she _really_ just kiss her partner? Did she _really_ just kiss her best friend?

He was staring at her intently, clearly trying to read her confused body language.

"I'm sorry Booth… I don't know what came over me. I shouldn't have done that I'm sorry." She stuttered, running a hand through her hair.

"It's ok. Really, it's ok…" he said, smiling warmly and walking back towards her.

"No it's not. I'm just upset… and you're always so good to me… I just got confused…"

"Bones…hey…it's ok." He said soothingly, trying to get closer to her. "You don't have to apologize." He tried again, frowning as she continued to step away form him.

"I'm sorry Booth. You should probably go." She said shortly, heading to her bedroom and closing the door behind her.

He let out a long sigh, dropping to the couch, all the while trying to work out what the hell just happened.


End file.
